Points of Light, questions. Do you like going on a trip that becomes a genuine journey that turns into a quest to find something wonderful and full of meaning? I'm in love with questions because I welcome their deep search that takes me into destinations I never anticipated, where I'll finally land at the question's answer - satisfied and fulfilled.
The third globe that circles our sun’s solar system is also the world we occupy. Some of its occupants are special people whose intensity of light, color, and beauty give those of us having the rare opportunity of entering into the gravity of their orbit a tantalizing sensation of walking on the sun. I'm one of those occupants gladly experiencing this opportunity. While my heart welcomes this sensation, the experience provokes my mind to ask this question -"Why did her gravity bring me into her orbit?" But the answer was immediately self-evident - I had worked hard to push myself into a position to be caught up in her orbit. I accomplished this by virtue of a past life lived in outer darkness that was mostly
void of lights colors. This was true with the rare exception of the here and there occasional thin slivers of rays of light that came my way. It was those thin slivers of light that would lend me opportunities to write about what my world lacked - beauty. So, from that place of madness is where I first began my quest to find new destinations that would be filled with the full spectrum of lights color. As I arrived at these new destinations, beauty would finally become more for me than the stories I wrote. I need you to know and understand this about me - to find beauty meant I was finding a life full of the happiness my life desperately needed. Also, I used to feel like the darkness I came from was ultimate darkness, so it was almost like that darkness had been written into my DNA. So, yes, it follows the beauty I’d been in search of was always to find ultimate beauty.
My trek to find these new destinations wasn’t an easy one; the journey was difficult, hard, and arduous. The longest part of my expedition was spent on an inward sojourn to find my real, true, and authentic self - this was no easy task and the work was extraordinarily hard. But I would emerge from this sojourn with a lighter heart and the beginnings of what I will forever refer to as a heart smile.
It was as I was emerging from this sojourn when she began to pull me into her orbit. Points of Light, you need to hear this, knowing her is different than anything my life lived ever experienced and this is how I first introduced her to you. I began by sharing a piece of my heart with you. It went like this…
Points Of Light - Life Asks You To Open Your Eyes And It's A Thing Worth Heeding!
I love Hummingbirds! Maybe I didn't say that perfectly or loud enough, so let me repeat - I love Hummingbirds. I see their sleekness, their business, their surety, all their colors, and it makes all the dopamine and serotonin in my brain smoothly and serenely yell at me to remain calm and smile. This allows light, color, beauty, and happiness to easily coalesce in my heart for a moment of sheer ecstasy! I want to believe Hummingbirds are nature's way of saying its okay to be okay, feel good, and know that happiness is meant to be experienced.
Then I recalled with you how and why I first put myself into a position to meet her...
I can name my stillness by calling it a sulk. This sulk is a place where I throw a pity party. It’s a place where anxiety and depression overwhelm me and confront me with everything I loathe and fear, showing me only the darkness of a space that lacks color. No Hummingbird ever entered a sulk. When I'm in a sulk, stagnancy wants me to stay, wanting gravity to tether me here. But a mind, my mind, can only take so much - and thank God! From my recent sulk, my mind got up to stretch.
That stretch took my mind to a place far away from here as my mind crossed past these cornfields, taking me beyond the lady holding her torch, had me cross a significant pond, made me move through a savanna full of big cats and Antelope to finally arrive at a place full of hard-working people, green rain forests, and some of the world's greatest coffee. It was here that I immediately saw my hummingbird!
Now, in this moment I had no way to know this, but it was the next piece of information she gave me that became one of my most important discoveries about her...
She let me know of all the places she'd flown through as she darted here and there to let her fast mind quickly soak in the learning she required before she had to fly to her next destination.
That discovery was about her intelligence and while it was impossible for me to immediately ascertain the quantity or the quality of her intelligence, nonetheless, this hummingbirds' intelligence was the first thing that gained my attention.
Then she dispelled from me any notion that beauty, even the beauty of a hummingbird, has to remain the same from one bird to another bird. Said another way, beauty is fluid and can be both seen and found in various modalities so long as our eyes, minds, and hearts remain open and receptive to see, find, and experience beauty. This is what I said...
In the middle of the day, all the light that surrounded her allowed every one of her vast colors to fascinate me, flashing me like the many colors that dart and dance off a rotating disco ball from the 1970's. Of course, she mesmerized me as I felt stuck, hypnotically staring at her and her beauty. In every movement she made, in every expression on her lovely face, she quickly found a way to inform me of a Hummingbird that possesses a lot of intelligence that while not so elegant, held a gritty, hard, and tough honesty. This showed me how silly it is to build up in my imagination an idea of what a Hummingbird ought to be. Hummingbirds, after all, were sent to this world by God to be individuals, no different than how each and every snowflake is a masterpiece designed by God to be different from every other masterfully created snowflake. I say that was a beautiful lesson and I was made happy for its learning.
Then, of course I was happy to find even more beauty in the art she performed...
As this Hummingbird gracefully danced, darting here and there, I realized how each movement she made was faster than my pitiful thoughts could think. Every movement she made where well-practiced, thought out and planned in an instant in her mind that worked with the quick efficiency of a flash of lightning. As she moved in her dance, tiny pixies of lighted, colorful, beautiful fire were guided as by her knowing wings to move around her body. They moved in a way that seemed to defy both physics and gravity. When it seemed like momentum should cause them to fly away from her, they'd come right back. When they seemed like they should fly away from either her right or left, they'd come to a complete pause as they sometimes stacked up horizontally and sometimes vertically, defying gravity as these firefly pixies seemed to just float at her very command. Her dance touched me and made me happy.
Knowing this Hummingbird helped my body produce endorphins that would motivate me to be creative! But Points of Lights, while this hummingbird was doing her best to show me a new paradigm about light and lights colors that bequeath sublime beauty into my life lived, don’t forget something I’ve already told you, “I was emerging from this sojourn when she began to pull me into her orbit. Points of Light, you need to hear this, knowing her is different than anything my life lived ever experienced.” I still allowed the loneliness of darkness to remain a big part of my world and in my life lived. As I was emerging from my sojourn, despite everything this hummingbird was sharing with me, that darkness would still propagate irrational actions on my part. I’d eventually learn my Hummingbird’s name, it’s Fuga. Sometimes, as I watched Fuga darkness demanded calm intentionality to leave me so that irrationality could cause me to storm away. Fuga did something different than anyone had ever done for me. Instead of being insulted by my departure where she could have left me alone in the place I ran to, she sought me out. This is how I wrote about it at the time...
Best of all, this Hummingbird enjoyed the attention. When I left off noticing her without saying goodbye, she used her gritty, hard, tough, and honest intelligence to show me how she also has a keen insight into the human condition by teaching me writers can have a sensitive soul and can often have their emotions act out in ways that are hyperbolic. I mean (as she told me on one of those occasions), whoever heard of an overly sensitive artist? I thought I wanted to lose that part of my life (the life of an artist and writer), but perhaps it just needs more cultivation - thinking.
Points of Lights, sometimes our hearts and minds are held and locked up in prisons secured by Gordian Knots. Of course, the problem with a Gordian Knot is that no one has ever figured out how to untie them. Fortunately, we have the example of Alexander the Great who instead of trying to untie the very first Gordian Knot, he took his virtuous sword and cut it in-two!
Even after I had met Fuga and had many opportunities to discover more about her, I was still in my prison of darkness locked with a Gordian Knot. Then one day, Fuga became my Alaxander the Great and cut the Gordian Knot lock of my prison of darkness with this single question...
What is wrong with endorphin? Is it inspire you to create cool stuff - yes Is it give you strength to be motivated and work on yourself - yes So why you always have to dig to find something bad in beautiful things?
Questions are awesome, especially when they slash open locks. Remember my first paragraph? “Questions. Do you like going on a trip that becomes a genuine journey that turns into a quest to find something wonderful and full of meaning? I'm in love with questions because I welcome their deep search that takes me into destinations I never anticipated, where I'll finally land at the question's answer - satisfied and fulfilled.” Fuga’s question allowed me to finally and fully arrive at my long sought-after destination that would contain the full spectrum of lights color. With all this light I finally saw more colors than I ever dreamed possible. All this light afforded me the one and only chance I needed to find Ultimate Beauty. Yep, questions are beyond cool!
Love and Peace -
Tod w/only one d
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