Points of Light, thinking is something I do. I think about everything - always. There doesn't exist a time wherein I'm not thinking. In my thoughts I travel anywhere I desire, talk with anyone I want, love whomever I want to love.
Inside my thoughts, I'm able to find any amount of light I want - more and more light these last several weeks - to construct for you stories painted with care and extreme precision as to include just the right detail of colorful words. I always want my color choice to share with you all the love my heart feels for you - to me, nothing less is ever acceptable. For me, a life lived means exactly this, I have to love you, I don't have the luxury to not love you! That love I just mentioned, the love that resides in my heart, every time I write, I have to find a way to find all the right colorful words to empty all the lighted love my heart contains in giving it as a gift meant just for you.
Honestly, I had a pause in-between that last line you just read and the one I'm now writing. During that pause, I visited a judgment-free zone where I get to hang, chat, and have both fun and a good time with a friend. It's a beautiful place free of reprisals and where the only recriminations come from myself when I overthink. Good people have a tendency to let me know when I overthink, I'm blessed in that way. But for most of my waking moments, I try to be completely circumspect so as to always be above board, proper, kind, and respectful to the people I share my presence with. It's hard for me to drop my guard and to say or do things without having carefully and thoroughly thought a billion times about what I'm about to say or do. That's got to stop, right? I mean, the people that love me, and most people do, they love me unconditionally (at least mostly :)). Why do these people love me? It goes precisely to how I desire to write to you. Every time I write to you, I desire to write you a love letter. When I write, if I can't share all of my love with you, I'd just assume not to write at all. In my quest to find beauty in this world, painting word pictures of love for you, at least to me, puts a little more light into this world and in that light, I hope every one of you get to find colors, colors both bright and dull, but always colors that are full of love. Those words come to me exactly because I spend a lot of time thinking. But it's time for me to realize my thoughts come directly from my heart.
For me, my past told me to be circumspect for fear of not giving away my love. When I'm unguarded, I have an irrational fear that I'll reveal something mean and cruel to loved ones. I do have a mean and cruel streak residing within, I suppose we all do. But when I write to you, I have to search my heart so I can be honest, real, and very transparent with you. In this way, I'm able to share with you the genuine love I always have for you. The heart is something awesome and very much needed to thrive in a life lived. It's time that I realize you see my heart even when I'm not writing to you my thought-out stories of light, color, beauty, and many heart smiles due to the love I have for you. My heart is huge, it leads me through life, it seeks for beauty, it flourishes through kindness, it causes my lived life to smile.
Judgment free zones are awesome. Scents are awesome too and the simple fragrance of someone's perfume can leave behind very long-lasting impressions that give the heart a smile. Sometimes, during a hang, just the simple and spontaneous letters on a keyboard that spell out "kiss" & "forehead" can touch a heart that used to be behind a barrier that was locked with a Gordian Knot. While free, perhaps that heart hasn't allowed its newly gained freedom a chance to experience much grace and kindness. Yes, that heart I'm talking about is mine. It used to be locked up until someone decided the knot holding it up was too complicated to untie and they simply decided to slash it open with a sword, so to say. With the Gordian Knot slashed and removed, my heart has been free for a while now. Now some simple and spontaneous (read uncircumspect) letters on a keyboard have asked my heart to enjoy life.
I'll never cease to love you. You'll always be in my heart where respect will meet you with kindness. I like being in my head, I like thinking, I thought about every letter in every word I just wrote for you. I expect to continue thinking, just with a lighter heart.
As Always
Love and Peace
Tod w/ one d
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