Points of Light, I still struggle, and honesty demands I be honest with you about this truth. I sometimes want to wonder why I think "I" can share anything with you that'll give you any encouragement. I sometimes wonder if I have any light or any color that would allow me to paint for you a story that would contain any beauty at all. I think "the work of this blog is too big for me." Then, I try to convince myself to stop, to give in to the darkness, to stop believing in my meaning and purpose for this life lived and just quit.
Do you ever do that Points of Light? Do you ever want to quit? Mind you how from the very beginning of this blog, I've said that YOU ARE A Point of Light, but do you ever find you want to succumb to the darkness? That would be the easy path we've learned to take, to walk to that place where we're surrounded with familiar darkness. But when this happens, look inside yourself, look into your heart, then wait until you find those tiny fragments of Light I've always talked about. When you finally find those small pieces of Light, look hard for their color, I promise you'll see them. When you see the color in those pieces of Light, allow those colors to show you their inherent beauty. That beauty is your beauty Points of Light, beauty that'll give you happiness allowing you to smile and maybe even giggle. Try writing about that Light; it has all the color you need to paint your own beautiful word painting.
Here am I, "I" wanted to quit, but in real-time, you watched me as I just did everything in that second paragraph. In a sense, I was living out what I wrote about in the post - The Constancy of Light in Beauty. Sometimes I have to make myself remember that I'm always a Point of Light. That is, I still have to remember that despite my feelings, Light is always a constant. It means I don't have to abide by darkness at all. As far as beauty in my life is concerned, well, beauty is a choice I choose to make.
Then the thing that's probably most important is how "I" was sticking its head up in the darkness of thinking, "I want to quit." That "I" segregates me as it tries to separate and strip me from my Light. I mean, sure my Light gives me color to find beauty for myself so I can be happy and smile, but the selfishness to not have a willingness to share that Light with anyone else as "I" give up and quit astounds me. If you haven't taken the time to read that previously mentioned post, in it, I say this: "It's astonishing how just living life can sometimes cause you to study the amazing, beautiful, and out-of-ordinary things people can do. The things that seem impossible, forcing your internal contemplation to be deep. I can only say a Christian ought to be compelled to do a thing without any consideration of the self. Love is the only consideration, and love never takes time to think of itself."
How's that any different than Christ's example? "Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of
himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion." And if this is true, "that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all," who am "I" that "I" should quit, give up and segregate myself from my Light and not share that Light with the rest of the World?
So, Points of Light, I'll close by sharing with you something wrote in Facebook last year. I'll share it with again on Christmas, so big-time spoiler alert! But I think this gets to the heart of the matter -
So, I guess I wrote this about eight years ago around Christmas time. I remember writing it with respect to the upcoming holiday and missing a kind of a tradition my son and I enjoyed doing together during the month of December. You see, when I was still married, and the kids were living at home, from time to time, Tod and I would pour ourselves a glass of eggnog and enjoy drinking it in one another's company.
I don't remember how long it had been after the divorce or how long I'd lived by myself; I just remember I looked for the eggnog being sold at the store and reflexively buying it as a nod to the season. I'm not even
sure, if it was that night or a few days later when I went to pour myself a glass of the golden rich, velvety goodness and took a sip. While I just wrote the word goodness, it didn't taste good at all, it just tasted, but without the taste I knew it should have been sharing with me. So, I doubted what I was tasting and considered it an aberration and took a second, then a third, and a fourth sip, but each sip refused to share with me a taste I'd grown to love and look forward to each year. I wondered why it didn't yield up to me it's wonderful taste and warm feelings that it always had in the past. I was confused and couldn't figure it out. I was about to chalk it up to a poorly made batch when I looked around the room and nowhere, I looked did I see my son Tod enjoying his glass of eggnog. That's when I realized without my son having his glass of eggnog along with me; my glassful would never have any flavor. With that discovery, I just felt alone, lonely, and sad. Still, that feeling caused me to look at the season and find meaning in its reason. As I searched and looked very hard for this meaning and found a glimpse of it, it helped me realize how it's okay if my glass of eggnog doesn't taste good when I'm alone, and more importantly, how it's very okay to be alone.
This is what I wrote - PSALM 127 - "If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks. If God doesn't guard the city, the night watchman might as well nap. It's useless to rise early and go to bed late and work your worried fingers to the bone. Don't you know he enjoys giving rest to those he loves? Don't you see that children are God's best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior's fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children! Your enemies don't stand a chance against you; you'll sweep them right off your doorstep".
Christmas is the birthday of the Christ as humble, flesh and blood child. People way smarter than me who
find funny names and use fancy words came up with this one - "Kenosis." They like it; I guess because for them it sounds better than plain and simple "emptiness." I love both funny and fancy words; somehow, they make me feel good, not this Christmas. This Christmas, I want to reflect only on "emptiness" plain and simple. Here's the thing; maybe this year if I get real simple, then maybe, just maybe, this year I'll see how Majestic "Kenosis" unplugged can be. Because when I really, truly, and with a sincere heart honestly unwrap the gift of Christmas, I'm really, truly, and honestly blessed to receive "emptiness". On Christmas, "Kenosis" is pride; "Kenosis" is drinking eggnog and not enjoying it because my son isn't next to me enjoying his glass of eggnog even more. "Kenosis" is looking at
and desiring Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh when something real, true, and honest is in my presence. Its innocence is heartwarming, but much more than that, it's so "empty", and the "emptiness" is more exquisite than all the Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh in all of this World and in all the Worlds in the entirety of all the universe. Yes, I need to forget the manger, I need to forget the swaddling clothes, and I need see only "emptiness." Some other day, I can think of the One Who Is, Was and Is to Come. Some other day I can think of He Who Lives in the Past, Present, and Future all at the same time. Some other day I can think loftily as I consider John 1:1 "In the beginning [before all-time] was the Word (Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself. He was present originally with God. All things were made and came into existence through Him; and without Him was not even one thing made that has come into being". Some other day I can contemplate both funny and fancy words like "Kenosis," but today, I must see "emptiness." The reason I must see "emptiness" is because The One Worthy of all the greatness I just mentioned has left all that behind, Majesty has "emptied" Himself of all Glory and Splendor due Him. "Kenosis" is today an insult to His ultimate act of Humility, today he's just flesh and blood, he's innocent, he's naked, and he's crying like a baby because he needs a humble human's love and devoted mother's milk, because today he is void of all he was yesterday, today he is "empty." PHILIPPIANS 2 1-7 - "If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges."
People, family always come first. Learn this, live this, love this. Guard it zealously, ruthlessly, relentlessly, and with all the tenaciousness God has put in your soul. Eggnog will never taste good, nor can it be enjoyed when your son isn't around to drink his glass with you, and here is the reason, if he isn't, it's not supposed too!
With Lots of Love and Peace,
Tod w/only one d
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