Points of Light, I try to remember to post this every year!
I wrote this article about eight years ago around Christmas time. I remember writing it with respect to the upcoming holiday, and because I was missing a kind of tradition my son and I enjoyed doing together for the holiday. You see, when I was still married, and the kids were living at home, from time to time, my son Tod and I would pour ourselves a glass of eggnog and we enjoyed drinking it together. The warmth of my son’s companionship along with the golden rich, velvety goodness of the eggnog, always hit the spot.
However, the day came when drinking eggnog around Christmas time was no longer enjoyable. Allow me to explain. You see, I don't remember how long it had been after my divorce or how long I had lived by myself, I just remember one day looking for the eggnog at the grocery store and subconsciously buying it as a nod to the season. I'm not sure if it was that night or a few days later when I went to pour myself a glass of the much-anticipated eggnog, that I took a sip and noticed something was a bit off. While I was expecting the usual golden rich and velvety goodness of the eggnog to taste amazing, it didn't taste good at all. In fact, it just tasted rather dull, boring, and well, bland. I was taken aback as this was not what I was expecting. In fact, I doubted what I was tasting and considered it an aberration and took a second, then a third, and a fourth sip, but each sip refused to share with me a taste I'd grown to love and look forward to each year. I wondered why it didn't yield to me it's wonderful taste and warm feelings that it always had in the past. I was confused and couldn't figure it out. I was about to chalk it up to a poorly made batch when I looked around the room and realized that my son Tod was not there enjoying his glass of eggnog with me. His warm smile, gut busting laughter, and his short and carefree bursts of banter were nowhere to be found. The room was empty of his presence. That's when I realized without my son having his glass of eggnog along with me, my glass full of eggnog would never have any flavor. With that discovery, I just felt alone, lonely, and sad. Still, that feeling caused me to take a deeper look at the Christmas season and find a more personal meaning in it. As I searched and looked very hard for this meaning and saw a glimpse of it, it helped me realize how it's okay if my glass of eggnog doesn't taste good when I'm alone, and more importantly, how it's very okay to be alone. Allow me to explain this in the following reflection:
Christmas is the birthday of the Christ who humbled Himself to become flesh and blood just like us. People way smarter than me who find funny names and use fancy words came up with this one - Kenosis. They like it, I guess, because for them it sounds better than plain and simple emptiness. I love both funny and fancy words; somehow, they make me feel good—but not this Christmas. This Christmas, I want to reflect only on emptiness plain and simple. Here's the thing: Maybe this year, if I get really simple, then just maybe, just maybe, this year I'll see how majestic kenosis unplugged can be. Why? Because when I really and truly unwrap the gift of Christmas with a sincere heart of honesty, I'm really, truly, and honestly blessed to receive emptiness. On Christmas, kenosis in respect to people, is pride. Kenosis is drinking eggnog and not enjoying it because my son isn't next to me enjoying his glass of eggnog along with me. Kenosis is looking at and desiring gold, frankincense, and myrrh when something much better, more real, truer, and more honest is in my presence. His innocence is heartwarming. Still, much more than that, He's so empty. His emptiness is more exquisite than all the gold, frankincense, and myrrh that exists in this world and in all the worlds in the entirety of all the universe!
Yes, I know I need to forget the “baby in the manger” and the swaddling clothes, and only see emptiness.
Some other day, I can think of the One who is, was, and is to come. Some other day I can think of He who lives in the past, present, and future all at the same time. Some other day I can think loftily as I consider John 1:1: "In the beginning [before all-time] was the Word (Christ), and the Word was with God, and the Word was God Himself. He was present originally with God. All things were made and came into existence through Him; and without Him was not even one thing made that has come into being." Some other day I can contemplate both funny and fancy words like kenosis, but today I must see emptiness.
The reason I must see emptiness is that The One Worthy of all the greatness I just mentioned has left all that behind, Majesty has emptied Himself of all Glory and Splendor due Him. Kenosis is today an insult to His ultimate act of Humility. On Christmas He's considered to be just flesh and blood. He's innocent, naked, and crying like a baby because He needs a humble human's love and devoted mother's milk because today (Christmas day) He is void of all He was yesterday. Today He is empty. This is significant because it reminds me that even though I may feel like drinking eggnog at Christmas time it is as useless as an empty glass without enjoying the presence of my son being here with me, at least I can relish the wonderful memories that I got to enjoy with him. However, I am also reminded that Christmas and eggnog is not even about my own personal enjoyment. It is rather about the One who was willing to leave His glory behind and empty Himself for others. -
Philippians 2 1-7 - "If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his Love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand. Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn't claim special privileges".
Eggnog will never taste as good, nor can it be enjoyed when your son (or loved one) isn't around to drink his glass with you. Here is the reason: If he isn't there, it's not supposed to taste as good! Drinking eggnog is often about that precious moment of fellowship with your loved one. Therefore, when your son, daughter or best friend isn't around to enjoy your eggnog with you on Christmas, just breathe, be in the moment, reflect on the emptiness you've been left in, and understand its purpose within your soul and spirit. Then consider the power of love and how God’s mercy and grace is real and alive and very much by your side you in your emptiness.
So, while this reflection has shown me that I have precious memories in my heart for those times I’m feeling alone during the holidays, in it I also saw there was something more important I had to discover. I had to learn this lesson: that the aloneness I was feeling served the purpose of giving me enough light to see real humility and love found in emptiness. In finding this, I found the real meaning and purpose of the Christmas season and how I have to accept this truth whether or not I enjoy the glass of eggnog I sip.
As Always,
We have Love and Peace For a Reason,
Tod w/only one d
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